Wilco or Rage? Mates of State or Cat Power? Girl Talk or Gnarls Barkley? If you've been wringing that Lolla schedule in your hands for weeks, wondering how the hell you're going to make the best of a festival that's pitted your favorite bands against one another, it's time to relax—and let us do the worrying for you. We expected major conflicts this year, but even we couldn't believe some of the weekend's booking choices; fortunately, we've devised a very sophisticated ranking system having to do with inferential statistics, Galilean invariance and the price of eggs in Bangladesh. Here are our findings:
Friday
2:15 p.m.-3:15 p.m. The Go! Team (Bud Light, 2:15 p.m.) vs. Yeasayer (AT&T, 2:15 p.m.) vs. The Enemy UK (Citi, 2:15 p.m.) vs. Holy Fuck (Perry's, 2:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Yeasayer No one's ever accused Lollapalooza of being a tastemaker festival—at least not in recent years—which makes it all the more cruel that four buzz bands are vying for crowd-mass in the same time slot. While the oddball experimental beats of Holy Fuck and the always energetic Go! Team are hard to resist, doing so will let you narrow your choices to two of this year's hottest undercurrent acts: freak-folk denizens Yeasayer and Britain's hottest youngsters, The Enemy UK. Since you'll be collecting rock sets like marbles throughout the weekend, trading in the Enemy UK for the folk-streaked, genre-be-damned strains of Yeasayer is the smart bet.
3:15-4:15 p.m.
Duffy (PS3, 3:15 p.m.) vs. The Kills (Myspace, 3:15 p.m.) vs. Louis XIV (Citi, 3:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Duffy
We don't know about you, but we're a little over the slick posturing of neo-glam ascot-wearing, sharp-suited Brit-fanatics. So we'll trade Louis XIV for either of its competing acts. Although the dance-ready beats of The Kills are always a formula for a good time, curiosity about the industry's newest Motown crooner is just too much to overcome; the Welsh songstress, Duffy, wears her influences front and center, flaunting a soul-driven set and none of that Amy Winehouse drama.
4:15-5:15 p.m.
Black Keys (Bud Light, 4:15 p.m.) vs. Gogol Bordello (AT&T, 4:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Gogol Bordello
While some good, old-fashioned Midwestern rock always sits right by us, there's just no way in hell we'd ever miss a Gogol Bordello show. This New York collective is working with all the goods: theatrical staging, off-kilter instrumentation, unbelievable energy and a healthy slathering of gypsy ethos. Oh, and Elijah Wood in the entourage; we assume he'll be wearing purple.
5:15-6:15 p.m.
Mates of State (Myspace, 5:15 p.m.) vs. Cat Power (PS3, 5:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Cat Power
Ouch again, Lollapalooza. Granted, the ladies have better representation this year than in year's past, but to pit Mates of State and Chan Marshall against each other? Not cool. Although the organ-rooted tunes of indie rock's first couple rarely disappoint, Marshall's performance at Pitchfork last year was stellar, and her bluesy croon promises a much-needed tempo change at that tiring mid-day point. Plus, we're sure to catch Mates of State at one of their two other events this week (Venus Zine's Lollapalooza kick-off on Thursday has them DJ-ing, while they play a full set at Double Door on Friday).
6-7 p.m.
Raconteurs (Bud Light, 6:15 p.m.) vs. VHS or Beta DJ set (Perry's, 6 p.m.) vs. Bloc Party (AT&T, 6:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Raconteurs
Since VHS or Beta's two-hour long set is a DJ-ing one, we're 'scratching' it off right away: we want live music. While the spastic UK dance-rockers behind Bloc Party are guaranteed to start a party, the Raconteurs have a not-so-secret pale-faced weapon: Jack White. Detroit blues, dusty western sensibilities and four supremely talented musicians? Hey, even if they don't like the critics (as proven when they announced their last album only a week before its release, leaving no time for critics to review), we still like them.
7-8 p.m.
The Cool Kids (BMI, 7 p.m.) vs. CSS (Citi, 7 p.m.) vs. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks (Myspace, 7:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Beloved local hip-hop duo, the industry's hippest purveyors of Brazilian electro or a seminal rocker with a new band? Okay, so maybe the Jicks have been around for awhile, but they've only had Janet Weiss of Sleater-Kinney for two years and with that kind of power behind the drum kit, this set isn't to be missed. Since tonight's endgame is Radiohead, it only makes sense to go with the band that opened the Hail to the Thief tour, no? Plus, there's always the off-chance that Malkmus could feel generous and deliver another "Milwaukee Show"—and an entire set of Pavement songs sounds like a good segue into Thom Yorke-ville to us.
Saturday
1:30-2:30 p.m.
Mason Jennings (PS3, 1:30 p.m.) vs. Dr. Dog (Myspace, 1:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Dr. Dog
In the middle of the day, with the sun blazing high (we hope), something a bit lo-fi and summery is built to please. While the simple melodies and narrative lyricisms of well-seasoned troubadour Mason Jennings fill a sun-stained festival well, our money's on Pennsylvania's unheralded heroes: Dr. Dog. With psychedelic leanings, '70s-pop roots and harmonies that call to mind Pet Sounds-era Beach Boys, an A-game set by Dr. Dog just might sweep every other bottom-of-the-ticket Lolla band out of the park.
3:30-4:30 p.m.
DeVotchKa (PS3, 3:30 p.m.) vs. Booka Shade (Citi, 3:30 p.m.) vs. MGMT (Myspace, 3:30 p.m.)
Advantage: DeVotchka
It's possible that MGMT would have sailed into oblivion as just another electro duo, had A & R guru Steve Lilywhite not plucked the band out of the Brooklyn underworld and stuffed a fat major-label contract in its hands. Now a quintet, MGMT is truly a must-catch act, but not in the festival environment, and not instead of DeVotchka. Ditto for German electro duo Booka Shade, who peak in dimly lit Frankfurt clubs. Straddling the line between Eastern European gypsy and Ennio Morricone's American West, DeVotchka adds unique flavor to any festival lineup and is the best bet for this timeslot.
5:30-6:30 p.m.
Okkervil River (PS3, 5:30 p.m.) vs. Jamie Lidell (Myspace, 5:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Jamie Lidell
While the chamber-pop-by-way-of-indie-rock doled out by Texas' Okkervil River gets us all hot and bothered, and the group is sure to play new tunes from the upcoming The Stand Ins (the second half of last year's critically lauded The Stage Names), we just can't resist the call of Jamie Lidell. The knob-twiddling Brit is equally at home beat-boxing and looping as he is crooning retro soul tunes, and we still can't get that Target commercial out of our heads. Plus, he brings his all in live settings, as evidenced by last year's Pitchfork showing and his tunes setting a speaker aflame at Bumbershoot.
6:30-7:30 p.m.
Broken Social Scene (Bud Light, 6:30 p.m.) vs. Battles (Citi, 6:30 p.m.) vs. Lupe Fiasco (AT&T, 6:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Broken Social Scene
It's hard to resist the Grammy-winning Chicago local's refreshing combination of hyper-clever lyrics, underground sincerity and utter absence of bravado, but in the grand tradition of Lolla booking, Lupe's up against some tough contenders: experimental New York quartet Battles and Broken Social Scene, launching pad for a dozen indie bands. While we love Battles, there's just no way we love the math-rock super-group more than Lupe. BSS is another story. The Toronto collective is only playing a handful of dates this year—all festivals—and touring as a seven-piece. A sans-Feist seven-piece (the lady herself is booked in British Columbia the following week, so there's the teeny tiny chance of a cameo, but don't hold your breath). Leslie or not, we're still hoping that BSS reprises its feats of a couple years back, when the group stole the show from fest-headliners Red Hot Chili Peppers.
7:30-8:30 p.m.
Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings (PS3, 7:30 p.m.) vs. Toadies (Myspace, 7:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Sharon Jones
We like our rock reunions a bit further down the road from the weepy farewell shows, so for that, we're penalizing the Texas rockers, Toadies. Plus, any excuse to hang out under the enormous wail of Sharon Jones' bombastic voice works for us. A chance to see the Dap Kings in their true form, not flanking the bee-hived trainwreck of an Amy Winehouse set? They shouldn't have even booked anyone else in this slot.
8:30-10 p.m.
Wilco (Bud Light, 8:30 p.m.) vs. Rage Against the Machine (AT&T, 8:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Wilco
Truth time: we didn't really see this one as a battle. We figured the demographics for these two groups were bipolar, and the simultaneous booking wouldn't break any hearts. Boy, were we wrong. Comment forums across the blogosphere are all aflutter with, "How could Lolla do this to us? My two favorite bands of all time? Why? Why?" Let me spell it out for you: yes, you have a nostalgic, high-school affection for Rage, and yes, the band has a long history of giving earth-shattering live shows. And sure, you haven't seen Zach De La Rocha in ages. But Wilco is the band you like now. That's called growing up. You get to see Wilco rock the front lawn of its hometown in a headlining slot at the year's biggest festival—what are you crying about?
Sunday
11:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
Office (PS3, 11:30 a.m.) vs. Ha Ha Tonka (BMI, 11:15 a.m.)
Advantage: Ha Ha Tonka
From Sunday's very first slot, we suspect you're going to have to make a lot of tough choices. No matter, that's what we're here for. We've got buckets of love for local rockers, Office, and we know you do, too: but you have ample opportunity to see them throughout the year, so head over to the BMI stage to catch the harmony-packed set of the best thing to come out of the Bible Belt Buckle since, um, well...okay, anyway the boys of Ha Ha Tonka come from Missouri and they rock.
12:15-1:15 p.m.
White Lies (Bud Light, 12:30 p.m.) vs. Wild Sweet Orange (BMI, 12:30 p.m.) vs. Kid Sister (AT&T, 12:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Kid Sister
We feel really, really bad for West London's White Lies for falling into this unfortunate time slot, but not bad enough to miss Kid Sister. Ditto for Alabama-bred Wild Sweet Orange, because we've got love for the locals, and this one in particular: Kid Sister's debut album features cameos from Flosstradamus, boyfriend A-Trak and Chicago superstar, Kanye West, and will surely propel the young emcee to the international stardom she deserves. Get to say you saw her here; plus, we suspect a Kanye cameo during this mid-day set is certain.
4:15-5:15 p.m.
Iron & Wine (Bud Light, 4:15 p.m.) vs. G. Love & Special Sauce (AT&T, 4:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Iron & Wine
Certainly there's a place in the world for harmonica-wielding, Dylan-worshipping jam banders, and there's no doubt that the Philadelphia's G. Love is working with some serious talent, but give us the bearded Samuel Beam any day. Sporting some serious country chops, festival-ready balladry and whisper-soft demeanor ideal for a mid-day set, Iron & Wine takes this battle 10 times over.
6:15-7:15 p.m.
Love and Rockets (Bud Light, 6:15 p.m.) vs. Girl Talk (Citi, 6:30 p.m.) vs. Gnarls Barkley (AT&T, 6:15 p.m.)
Advantage: Gnarls Barkley
We're very sorry about your luck, Love and Rockets, but we only put you in this contest so people wouldn't forget about your set altogether. Sure, it's a sad day when Bauhaus members can't hold their own against the newbies, but such is the case in the cruel world of Lolla booking. It's no secret that Girl Talk's Pitchfork set last year was off the proverbial hook, but given the choice between Gregg Gillis' spastic sampling and a real, live, performance by Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo, it's Gnarls Barkley all the way.
7:15-8:15 p.m.
The National (PS3, 7:15 p.m.) vs. Mark Ronson (Myspace, 7:15 p.m.)
Advantage: The National
Seriously, Lolla? Not fair. While the multiple Grammy-winning Producer of the Year will undoubtedly deliver an incredible set, we can't help but crave a little of that old time rock 'n' roll, or more specifically, that old time indie rock 'n' roll. Mark Ronson definitely has the chops to charm the pants off of his audience (which, make no mistake, will be huge, regardless of what we say here), but we're going with Brooklyn's critical darlings and crossing our fingers for a set heavy on the Boxer tunes.
8:15-10 p.m.
Nine Inch Nails (Bud Light, 8:15 p.m.) vs. Kanye West (AT&T, 8:30 p.m.)
Advantage: Kanye West
The obvious joke, of course, is that Kanye will be three hours late and you'll get to see both, but in all seriousness this one comes down to how you want to close out the festival, folks: Do you prefer the goth-industrial stylings of Trent Reznor and touring company? Or would you prefer a little universally acclaimed hip-hop to help you home? If you still can't decide, consider that you've just paid top dollar for a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and word from the politicos is that Barack Obama has cleared a slot in his schedule to introduce fellow Chicagoan and prominent campaign supporter, West. No way Kanye's late for that.
Want more Lolla? We've got you covered. Become an expert on the fest with our alphabetical primer; get to know the local acts in this year's lineup; learn how you can go green in Grant Park; and plan out your kids' schedules (if you don't have kids, you should be at one of these after-parties). And don't forget our music-festival survival guide.
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