Centerstage - Chicago's Original City Guide

My sex/love life has taken a couple of below-the-belt hits this year and I find myself single...again. I've begun dating again and even went out with a pretty funny, attractive guy last week. I met him on the internet (yes, again) and our e-mail exchanges pre-date were some of the more exciting and interesting ones I've had in a while. Now I find myself thinking about him and waiting to hear from him more than I'm comfortable with after one date. I fear that my desire for love and a partner are going to make me leap into something just because it's there. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Trying Not to Desperately Seek Someone

Dear Trying,

I ask myself that same question whenever I decide to compete in the International Onion Chopping Competition. My advice: cook before you weep.

You sound pretty exasperated, so I recommend first that you not do any more heavy typing. Second, don't chastise yourself for having desires. Speaking as someone who learns things the hard way (which is also how I got my degree in SexYouUp-ology), the best way to learn something is through experience. If you're worried about scaring someone off, don't be; you can always keep the tags on your purity ring and return it later. I've found that dating is a lot like laundry: You should do as much as you can until you run out of quarters.

I understand your wariness, though. My house was just burglarized and the bastard took my change jar (among other things), which is why I want you to get laid and bring some faith back to humanity.

This whole moving-too-quickly business is rather tricky, however, because unlike that "Sweatin' to the Oldies" workout tape your uncle's always "jivin'" about, one's love life doesn't operate on a schedule. For instance, one couple's trip to the Jiffy Lube is another couple's ten-year anniversary. If you are concerned you're being too zealous in your affections, then you may want to avoid the following: gift-giving (apparently some people DON'T like mini-muffins), calling or texting more than once a day (if he doesn't respond), and sending him Howard Johnson coupons (which is just good advice in general). Be honest about your intentions, but gauge his reactions to your gestures. There's nothing wrong with being cautious in life (especially in matters of the heart and "magnetic" spice racks. Did I ever learn THAT lesson), but don't let your potential fears keep you from living your life.