Centerstage - Chicago's Original City Guide

Articles Sections >> Arts + Words Bars + Clubs Dating Festivals Fitness Food Lifestyle Music Theater Travel + Tourism Who's Who > View All Carnal Consultant Love, Sex, Life

Not having as much sex as you'd like? These strategies might help get your man's libido in gear.

Monday Sep 22, 2008.     By Anna Pulley

Dating Feed

Dear Carnal Consultant,

My boyfriend and I are in our early 20's. We have been together for nearly three years, and are completely happy and in love. Yet for the past two years we seem to have sex less and less often. Ideally I would like to have sex four or five times a week, depending of course upon our schedules. However, sometimes a month will pass with several failed initiations on my part—with no initiation on his part, until he finally caves to seemingly appease me. I would like to believe that his disinterest and lack of trying is due mostly to his rigorous and stressful work schedule, his impending graduate applications and even his new anti-anxiety medication. But I wonder, given the variables, are my expectations still too unrealistic?

Holly Unhappy with my Sex Life

HUSL,

This is actually a problem I've often struggled with myself in relationships, since I always seem to have the higher sex drive, except that time I dated David Spade. Oohwee, pass me a wet nap! Causes for low libido in men are both emotional (stress and overwork, depression, relationship problems) and physical (medication, Hyperprolactinaemia, low testosterone, alcoholism and obesity). The most hilarious cause listed (on several websites) was "latent homosexuality." Has your boy developed a lisp or a sudden love for musical theatre? If so, then he may be suffering from Madginitis, the elusive fear-of-pussy, love-of-Madonna syndrome.

It could be any one of the reasons you mentioned or a combination, since physical and mental health are key factors in determining one's desire to "do the Macarena" (do I have any readers in Berwyn? If so, that one's for you). Two years is a long time to pin on a stressful work situation though. In my many struggles with this, I've tried a great number of things to make my partners want to take a ride on the bearded clam, none of which have entirely succeeded. But they did help somewhat. Here's a short list of Carnal Consultant canoodling tips.

Masturbate in his presence. Make the buildup nice and slow and he will more often than not want to join in or help out. This will most likely lead to sex or at least lead to an orgasm for you; either way, you win!

Be active. After three years of being together, I'm sure you know a thing or two about what gets his motor running. Is it NASCAR? Wii hula hoop? Live music? Historical boat tours? Activities that get you out of the house and get your endorphins pumping can kick-start a lazy libido. Just don't tire yourself out before the real action is set to begin.

Nerve's Miss Information suggests you try the opposite of whatever strategy you've been employing. If you walk around the house naked, put your clothes on. If you usually pounce on him as soon as he walks in the door, then wait until later. Are you really aggressive? Try being subtle and slow. This is a reverse-psychology move, but altering your routine in general should help to break up the monotony.

Also, let him know that sex doesn't have to be a big to-do. The costume changes and trays of cucumber sandwiches are ultimately more trouble than they're worth, trust me. But do keep the Rhesus monkey handy, because you never know.

Anna Pulley, our Carnal Consultant, has been on more bad dates than J. Lo's been to divorce court. She's been a one-date wonder and Wonder Woman. She's bi, and no she doesn't want to sleep with your boyfriend, thanks. When she's not giving advice, she enjoys theme parties for every and any occasion and working as a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Buy her a drink or ask her a question already.