I'm a bisexual female who's recently gotten out of a long term relationship with a man. I'm looking forward to getting some love from the ladies again but I'm having a hard time meeting any. I don't know if my sexuality is affecting my chances or what, but I'm at a loss! I'm not really into the bar scene and I don't play softball. Any advice on getting ahead, and getting some head?
I can't be 100 percent sure on this, but reputable sources like Fox News and Fred Phelps have alerted me to a little-known secret: the gays are everywhere. I know, I know, I didn't believe it either. But it's true. They're even on SportsCenter, and at Bally's Total Fitness, and within a 100-foot radius of any girl with a guitar. Really though, the lesbians are at the Starbucks on Berwyn.
Extensive internet research on the topic of meeting women yielded few results that weren't really obvious or dumb. "Have you tried Home Depot?" One site (lesbianlife.about.com even suggested, without the faintest bit of irony, that you "join the local bird watchers group." (We prefer to be called Audubons, thank you.) But if you're not Gertrude Stein, meaning dead, you might want to seek other venues. Like volunteering. Lesbians love to save things—whales, orphans, Jennifer Beals' career—and volunteering has the added bonus of making you feel good about yourself. Luckily for you, June is the perfect time to meet lezzies, especially if you've exhausted your share of food co-ops and Tori Amos concerts. Check out the dozens of events going on for Pride month at chicagopride.com. The biggest girl bash is in the parking lot behind Ann Sather's Belmont location, where hundreds of women congregate after the parade (which is this Sunday, June 29) to drink $5 Bud Light and wait in line for the port-o-potty. The number of lesbians per square inch alone is enough of a reason to check out this party. If that's not your thing, then I hear that Home Depot is hiring.
Anna Pulley, our Meet-Market Maven, has been on more bad dates than J. Lo's been to divorce court. She's been a one-date wonder and Wonder Woman. She's bi, and no she doesn't want to sleep with your boyfriend, thanks. When she's not giving advice, she enjoys theme parties for every and any occasion and working as a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Buy her a drink or ask her a question already.