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Like, well, whatever? You'll love Hogs & Honeys.

Wednesday Jul 13, 2005.     By Jacob Knabb

Music Feed

Admit it, you're not really here for any band in particular. Instead you just came to see the sights and smell the smells, and hopefully discover a band or two. But at the very least you want to have a good time, and be able to tell the folks back home about the cool shows you saw while you were in Chicago. If this sounds like you, then we've got just the line-up to thrill you, chill you and give you something to write home about after-all.

Saturday will deliver Dashboard Confessional, DJ Muggs Mash Up Circus and Billy Idol. And Sunday offers up The Changes, DeSol and Perry Farrell's rock opera Satellite Party.

Your bar = Hogs & Honeys
Forget Coyote Ugly, or whatever that place was called, Hogs & Honeys is easily Chicago's most spectacular bar. Bridal parties bumping elbows on the bar with off-duty strippers and random chicks while they dance their asses off to Guns & Roses on the bar-top, a mechanical bull, an immense crowd and insanely loud music all add up to a decadent whiff of bacchanalia in its purest form.

The bartenders are raunchy and welcome dirty jokes (cuz they'll sure be dishing them out). The co-eds show up in droves, staking Hogs & Honeys as one of Chicago's premier hook-up joints. Located right off the North/Clybourn Red Line stop, it's easy to get to, and won't require a cab ride, unless you're in a big rush to get back to the bedroom, that is. Its ballsy claim is that everyone gets wet, and you've gotta go to see why, because with a raucous blend of inebriated tourists, locals and crazies, Hogs & Honeys isn't really a place for shit talkin' they can't back up.

Your restaurant = Rock & Roll McDonalds
Not all McDonalds are created equal. Nor do they charge the same prices for their Big-Macs for that matter. But if you're looking for a trove of rock memorabilia, try this bi-level flagship restaurant on for (biggie) size. With psychedelic touch sensitive tabletops, glass cases full of rock artifacts, a coffee bar replete with espressos and biscotti and several lounges that reproduce every decade the chain has been open via music and decor, the Rock And Roll McDonalds is a tourist's delight.

Though you will be charged hourly for parking, the store does boast free wireless service and posh Barcelona chairs. And with a convenient location right in the Loop, it's easy to see why the Rock and Roll McDonalds consistently ranks in the top ten in global sales.

Your record store = Tower Records
Though its claim as "the hub of Chicago's Musical Universe," is completely absurd, Tower is, none-the-less the ultimate in mainstream music vendors. For folk attracted to the biggest the mainstream has to offer, Tower will no doubt be a must-see destination. The Clark Street location offers one-hour of free parking, and the Loop location is easily accessible on foot.

With a stake in having everything in stock, Tower is awfully thorough, and its stock is diverse and immense. The prices aren't as high as they used to be, and can almost complete with independently owned establishments. But the true lure of Tower Records is the same as the lure of The Cheesecake Factory: while there may be better places, you get a guaranteed item, and know exactly what to expect. So roll up your sleeves and dive in, just don't expect the salesclerks to smile and nod politely when you say how awesome its Britney Spears selection is.

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For Additional Info and Insider Tips: Check out the Unofficial Lollapalooza Guide on ChicagoFests.com.