In the world of competitive engagements, there are sports...and then there are lawn sports.
Generally best when played with a plastic cup in one hand and at least seven of every 10 minutes spent shit-talking while standing still, lawn sports are a refuge for folks like me who are better at running our mouths than, well, actually running.
So when I heard that some Cedarburgians-turned-Chicagoans were organizing the 10th Annual Cedarburg Bocce Classic on the lawn of the town hall in their Wisconsin hometown, I thought I'd be able to make a good showing, no problem. After all, when the main strategy is to roll a ball toward another ball, every player's as good as the next...right?
The skinny:
Italian-born bocce is played by up to four individuals (or two teams) with a set of heavy, grapefruit-sized balls. The game begins with one player tossing a smaller ball, called the Pallino ("P" for short), and then all players take turns rolling their own balls toward the P, with points awarded to the one who's closest at the end. Hidden bumps, valleys and weeds will throw your ball off course, or another player can always play "dirty bocce," knocking your ball to the side with his throw.
The getup:
Like public school, bocce doesn't require a uniform, so if you don't take the opportunity to boost your game with some style points, your heart probably isn't in it. Whether your on-court persona prefers white linen pants and a visor or short-short gym skivvies, rock it hard.
The payoff:
Depending on what's in your plastic cup, your physique may actually suffer, but the suspense of waiting for each ball to land makes bocce an addictive sport. At its very best, the game will hone your hand-eye skills, make you an expert bowler (heck, those easy-peasy lanes have a uniform surface) and win you some friends. At its worst...hey, it got you outside and away from the tube, you booze-swilling couch-slug.
Wear and tear:
If you injure yourself playing bocce, you should probably wear a helmet when getting a pedicure.
The commitment:
By committing to the tourney, I showcased more devotion than 99 percent of bocce players worldwide. In the month leading up, I practiced about once per week, logging in sessions in Wicker Park where the grass was smooth and even, on the median of Humboldt Boulevard where the grass is long and buries the P, and in Pulaski Park where the spotty groundcover means no ball will ever roll straight. But for the casual player, this game can be picked up anytime, anywhere, with as much or as little pomp as you want to give it.
The cost:
You do have to invest in a set of balls. The average set at Target or Dick's will run you about $50-$90, but you can score this light-up set for $30, or get the Illinois-based World Bocce League's sanctioned set for $100.
Difficulty level:
As long as you can lift and throw the 2-pound, 2-ounce balls, you're a valid contender. At the tournament, however, there were definitely players who consistently rolled right up to the P, and tourney titles in the Cedarburg clan's 10-year history have gone repeatedly to the same two guys, so there's no question that skill is involved. Take note: The lower your inhibitions, the stronger your game, especially if you're playing in front of a town-hall lawn full of people. I still say it was the pressure that choked me.
The verdict:
Bocce is a great sport that seizes your interest, revs your competitive engine and invites a good laugh. The best part is, it's a total blank canvas of a game. Play it in the park on a Sunday afternoon, and you've got yourself a decent method for enjoying the sunshine and ribbing your friends. But dress it up with a tournament structure complete with official T-shirts and theme music, and you're obviously living life to the fullest.
Learn more about the game with a little help from the United States Bocce Federation, or sign up for next year's Cedarburg tourney.
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